Diary of a Mad White Woman

I never imagined I would have a blog. I wonder how many other blogs start out with similar sentiments? Seriously, I have no radical views or passionate causes to flaunt here nor do I kid myself that I'm so terribly interesting that others would want to read me. In the words of one of my English professors after grading one of my literary analysis essays "You write well and yet... I must sound so terribly ungrateful, but I was bored." How would you like to hear that as an English major?

Anyway, back to the genesis of this unlikely blog from an unlikely blogger. Having been forwarded two blogs from people I know in the past few months (one of whom is my husband - I had no idea he was keeping his blog and reading it was like gaining some kind of illicit view into his life. Not that his blog has anything naughty on it... just interesting to hear the way he describes our life to outside parties), I decided that I too could write about life - especially since the entire pattern of my life has been abruptly rearranged in the past month.

So now we arrive at the theme of "Inside the Box." The Box is my house - having recently given birth to our first daughter, I am attempting to navigate the world of being a stay at home mom (SAHM). This sometimes painful, very rewarding, occasionally silly transition will be the core of my documenting here, probably mixed in with other random topics. That's just how I roll. :-)

The hardest part of the SAHM transition has been, for me at least, losing my routines and coping with a lack of adult conversation. Before having the baby, I was a teacher. Being a teacher means establishing rules and routines, following a bell schedule and all the flexible predictability of the school day. I thrive on this kind of variety within routine. Being home with the baby... well, let me tell you, babies (at least newborns!) don't believe in routine. My daughter believes in three things: eat, sleep, and poop. She loves to eat. This makes her sleepy. While sleeping, she invariably poops - this wakes her up and the cycle begins anew. Sounds like a routine, I guess, except you can't predict how long each part will take at any given time. So the first rule I've learned about staying home is that I need an entirely new way of structuring my life. Yikes.

The second area of concern has been the lack of adult conversation. For better or for worse, my husband and I are the first of our friends to have kids. While this makes us trailblazers, it's also lonely. Don't you think the pioneers were lonely in the woods? Seriously, during the day, all the people I know (including my mom!) are at work. This means I have no one to talk to. After several weeks of this, I can honestly say I was going a little nuts. I have since learned that online communities are helpful and I've joined a playgroup (though I haven't yet gone to a meeting). Hopefully these steps will save me from becoming like the crazy cat lady on The Simpsons.

Whew. In the future, I think I'll try to narrow the scopes of my blog entries (after all, that's what I tell my students - small topic, big details). This entry is more to establish the why and what behind my writing. Will anyone see these posts? Will I even share the existence of this blog with my friends and family? I don't know. But at least, for now, I can imagine that someone is reading these words and this makes me feel a little less like I'm alone in the world of new motherhood.